Books by Terri Apter

Passing Judgment: The Power of Praise & Blame in Everyday Life.

Publishers Weekly writes: “Apter (Difficult Mothers, 2012) adds to her canon of nonfiction books about relationships, identity, and family dynamics with this survey of the shaping effects of praise and blame in various life stages (infant, teen, adult) and relationships (familial, romantic, professional, and among peers). Drawing on years of work as a psychologist, Apter leans on theory and her own experiments to affirm some standing beliefs related to praise/blame judgments while challenging others. Praise, for example, can disincentivize if it calls attention to intelligence rather than effort. Blame-avoidance designed to protect our egos can also prevent us from absorbing crucial lessons. Apter’s goal, illustrated by a series of self-interrogating questions, is to teach readers to use praise and blame as growth mechanisms by developing awareness of how and why  judgments are formed. Knowing a family’s judgement system allows parents and children to make the most of the praise and blame they give and receive. Readers interested in psychological theory will be compelled by this book, as will all readers who just want to be better versions of themselves.” – Emily Dziuban

Kirkus Review

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Difficult Mothers: Understanding and Overcoming Their Power

Publishers Weekly writes: “Apter keenly diagnoses damaged relationships…This sound, intelligent book is a good starting point for a self-examination.”

“The most intelligent and lucid account I’ve read of human psychology in general and more particularly of the kinds of difficulties that arise in relationships (both difficult and others). I marvel at Apter’s ability to capture and convey them in a manner flooded with insight and in prose that is totally accessible. Difficult Mothers is a magnificent accomplishment.” -Carol Gilligan, author, In a Different Voice, The Birth of Pleasure and Joining the Resistance

“With her usual wisdom and insight, Terri Apter distills and illuminates the dilemmas of difficult relationships with mothers…Apter gives cogent suggestions about how to reflect of the dynamics of these difficult relationships and how to break free of their shackles” -Ruthellen Josselson, Ph.D., author, Playing Pygmalion: How People Create One Another

Daily Mail Review

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What Do You Want from Me? Learning to Get Along with In-Laws

O Magazine writes: “The cover of What Do You Want from Me? should be stamped: Read Before Proceeding Down the Aisle.”

Featured in Time.com and Newsweek.com: Breaking new ground in family psychology, an exploration of the intricacy, friction, and love in the bonds between in-laws.

Newsweek Review | Today Show Review

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The Sister Knot: Why We Fight, Why We’re Jealous and Why We Will Love Each Other No Matter What

The TLS describes this as “a fascinating study of sisters… Apter brings vividly before the reader the complicated emotions, motives and behaviours involved in sistering… The Sister Knot has enormous explanatory value, both for those who have sisters and those who do not.” The Sundays Times critic wrote: Lucid, funny and enlightening.

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You Don’t Really Know Me!

Her most recent book on teenage girls and their mothers (featured in May 24, 2004 issue of People Magazine as the Buzz Book) is You Dont Really Know Me!. This takes a fresh look at mother/teenage daughter conflict. Writing in The Independent on Sunday, Marina Cantacuzino remarked, Terri Apter’s book is both a balm for my savaged feelings and a useful compass in this maze. You Dont Really Know Me! was also the basis of an editorial in the Guardian, the lead story in the Review section of the Independent on Sunday, as well as op-ed pieces in the Times, the Glasgow Herald, the Toronto Star and the Boston Globe.

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The Confident Child

Publishers Weekly wrote that this is a convincing, well-written and truly helpful guide…Here is a book that takes the vagueness out of the notion of self-esteem and suggests concrete ways for parents to help their children like themselves and feel confident about their abilities to deal with the world around them. Winner of the International Educator’s Prize awarded by the Delta Kappa Gamma Society.

Everywoman Review

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The Myth of Maturity

The Myth of Maturity describes the difficult transition between adolescence and adulthood. In this book Apter coins the term thresholders to identify young people who are legally adult,but stuck on the threshold of adulthood, held back by a range of social forces and unrealistic expectations. The research published here has been the subject of several conferences, reports on student welfare and public policy initiatives on supporting young people during the transition to adulthood.

The Guardian Review

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